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Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong

The chances of seeing someone who knows you are dramatically increased by not wanting to be seen

Every job will take twice as long as you expect and will be half as lucrative

Living well is the best revenge

A penny saved is not worth very much

Nothing is as easy as it looks

Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing

if more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault

A Smith & Wesson beats four aces

Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules

In an hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there

Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work

Build a sytem that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it

Never eat yellow snow

Everybody should believe in something-I believe I'll have another drink

When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate

The repairman will have never have seen a model quite like yours before

A tool droped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center

When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly

If it jams-force it. If it breaks-it needed replacing anyway.

Nothing is impossible for the person who dosen't have to do it

A $300.00 picture tube will protect a 10 cent fuse by blowing first

You will always find something in the last place you look

The other line always moves fastest

If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it

No matter how long you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale cheaper

The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet

To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression

Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone

If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on

Celibacy is not hereditary

If your feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it

A bird in hand is safer than one overhead

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw

There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over

It is impossible to make anything fooproof because fools are so ingenious

A shortcut is the longest distance between two points

All warranties expire upon payment of invoice

Every solution breeds new problems

No good deed goes unpunished

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate